(no subject)
Have a short zombie story.

“Boris, he’s a zombie. You don’t ‘get better’ from being a zombie.”Collapse )

(no subject)
I have seen some wonderful contenders for who should play Balder if Balder were ever to appear in the Thor sequels (which he won’t, I am pretty sure).
But this guy… this guy is perfect.
(Warning; this is porn. Do not look if you are in a place where porn is inappropriate.)
Look at the big, silly smile that loves all things. Look at the roundness of his face, suggestive of some retained baby fat. Look at his biceps, which are almost the size of his head.
Look at that ‘confused dog’ expression. You can only have one of two reactions to that face; you either want to cuddle him forever, or you want to shoot him in the heart with a mistletoe arrow and then go off to disguise yourself as an old lady.
More of him here:
(Again, porn. Lots and lots of porn.)
Look at the one where he’s singing. Take the fuckugly glasses off, put a lute in his hands and surround him with woodland creatures. Do you see it now?
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(no subject)
Bird: *reads Economist article on student loan debt*
Bird: Hmm. I wonder how long it will take some buffoon to shoot their mouth off about liberal arts/social science degrees.
Bird: ... wow, that was quick. Hmm, I wonder how long it will take some boring clot to lick the anus of Science, Maths, Business and Engineering.
Bird: .... wow, that was also quick.

Newsflash to the world at large: the problem with pretty much everything isn't a surfeit of people interested in philosophy, ethics, societal trends, beauty and stories. If anything, it's the lack.

(no subject)
Wait, the person who directed Monster is directing Thor 2?


I liked Monster! I did! (And so did every other person in my class because our teacher made us go see it. because we had to Support Charlize, just like we had to go see District 9 because if we didn't we were Secretly Ashamed of Our Country. (God, that movie was disappointing. I have never, EVER  hated a protagonist more. I liked the protagonist from Battlefield Earth more than I liked Wikkus.)

That said, I cannot imagine any two movies more dissimilar than Thor and Monster. It's as though they got Bluth to do Saving Private Ryan. Although I suppose it goes a little way to allaying my fears that the sequel will be the dumbed-down explosion fest that was Iron Man 2. And it's great to get a female director (weep idiot fanboys weep your tears taste like melted butter and ichor). And maaaaaybe this increases the chances of movie!Karnilla or movie!Hela?

Also, I am officially a Chair Killer.

It's weird, because I'm tiny. (Not tiny as in 'delicate precious pixie person', tiny as in 'weird, goggle-eyed goblin that lives under the flowerpot'. I don't weigh much, is the point.) And, I swear, the last four years in a row, I have killed at least one chair a year. In 2009, I killed two.

I don't know what I do. I don't have sex on them, I don't sit down in them wearing a suit of armour. And I just wiped out another one. It is lying on the floor in two sad pieces. I am currently sitting on a pile of pillows and a large stuffed duck. I mean, this is weird, isn't it? Most chairs don't just spontaneously collapse after eight months of use, do they?

I'd get a beanbag but a. we have spiders so I like to be off the floor and b. it would probably just explode in a year's time.

(no subject)
Pigeon in the kitchen.

Unlike the rat, that's actually not so surprising. They're coming in once a month or so at the moment through the catflap (no casualities yet; we don't have a cat. We have daxxies, they use it, so we don't block it off.) Thought they might be coming in to get at the birdseed we keep by the window (I dunno, maybe they can smell it? Can pigeons smell? Are pigeons capable of the level of deductive reasoning that lets them go birdseed = on other side of window, other side of window = INSIDE, catflap = INSIDE? Can they conceptualise 'the other side of the window'? I don't think our pigeons are that smart. Maybe they just come in because it's cold? Because it is cold. It is VERY cold. And now I have to keep the kitchen door and all the windows open in the hopes that he or she will fly out, so all the heat in the house is slowly leaking out. Thank you, Mr Pigeon. I hope you get disemboweled by a hawk.

Also, happy birthday Maria Lucimar Pereira.

(no subject)
I think I am the last person left on the Internet who doesn't like the Coen brothers.

(no subject)
I spend too much time hunting down pretty Utena-related things. I have watched this amv four times now (procrastination wheee.) 'Cosmic Love' by Florence and the Machine. It's about Anthy, which is reason enough for you to watch it.


One day, I will be a space lawyer. 

(no subject)
Dear Dude who keeps parking in front of the entrance of the hospital where I work,


That is where the AMBULANCE goes.

Maybe you trump the ambulance if you were busy having a heart attack or a similar emergency when you parked there. But I don't think so, because you've done this four times now. You've been CLAMPED four times. Seriously, the hell? It's not like there isn't a huge parking lot. Even if you have to park right at the far end of it, we've got a guy in a golf cart who takes people round to the front. I'm not saying finding parking isn't lousy, it is, and it's especially lousy for folks who have chronic pain or suchlike. But people come into that particular parking spot three heartbeats away from actual DEATH. Also, isn't it costing you, like, money to get unclamped every time? If your legs hurt too much to park further away and walk to the entrance, can't you a. get someone to drop you off or b. ask for a wheelchair? We have those. We're a hospital. You don't get a bill for using one. I know a some people don't like using them. Problem is, there's only so much space around the entrance. We have to prioritise. But you know what? There are eight parking spaces for patients not more than ten feet away from the ambulance parking space and the entrance. And almost ALL OF THEM were empty when I came out and saw your car there.

All of them except one. The ambulance was parked in that one.


Dear Medical supplies delivery van that dinged my car and drove speedily in the opposite direction while I was opening and shutting my mouth like a guppy fish,


(no subject)
Me: *workingworkingworking* *glances out window* *calls to sibling* SIBLING! Why did you put a stuffed rat toy on my windowsill?

Sibling, from another room: ... What?

Me: There's a stupid stuffed rat on my windowsill. I am asking why.

Sibling: I didn't put a stuffed rat on your windowsill, you enormous freak!

Me: *looks closer* ... Indeed you did not.

Decidedly-not-stuffed rat: *hisses and flees*

I'm not alarmed so much as confused. We've got a snake somewhere in the garden, she's supposed to be taking care of this kind of thing for us.

i know, i know
WARNING rage kinkmeme-relat/ed hate incohrence just ignore this okayCollapse )


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